Hello Friends! I hope you’ve had a lovely week. Thank you for all of your kind words in response to my last post. Today, we return to our regularly scheduled programming.

Oh Florida. Home of the largest percentage of foam houses per capita. Including this one.

Also, for the uninitiated:

This lovely ~~foam~~ home, built in 2003, boasts 4 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms, sitting just over 4,000 square feet. I know there are uglier houses in Florida, and some houses which just defy belief (read: i’m into the interior like the 90s trash I am) But I felt this one was just horribly pre-recession drab. So without further ado:

The Botched Lawyer Foyer

By making jokes about going to therapy, I want to lessen the stigma against going to therapy! But seriously, my shrink has awful furniture. I would make more progress if she went full Scandi credenza on me.

2000s Red Dining Room™

There’s a lot of divorce in this week’s house folks. Fun Fact: Florida is raked 7th in the country for divorce!

(For the record, my parents haven been married over 30 years. I can still be salty bc all of my relationships will look like failures in comparison!)

Living Room

Seriously, my parents have that fan in their living room, I feel so fuzzy inside thinking about it and how much better it looks in their living room than this one.

KITCHEN

end bird poverty now

NOOK

even i can laugh at my own stupidity:

Also Junknook = Junkspace but for interiors. (REM KOOLHAAS JOKES)

SUPER SERIOUS MAN OFFICE

I would kill for those bookshelves. You know, for all my decorating books from like 2002.

Master Bedroom

projection intensifies

Master Bath

wait that window…..

ENHANCE!!!

I’m losing it at the sack of garbage just sitting on the curb. All those HOA fees and they don’t have any damn trashcans.

Spooky Bedroom

I read A Series of Unfortunate Events from when I was 6 in 1999 to when the series finished in 2007. That’s literally all of my formative years. This is why I’m like this. This is why I’m sitting here making jokes about bitterness, divorce, and death on the internet.

REGAL BEDROOM

I’m feeling very 2006 these days.

ELDRITCH BEDROOM

This is turning into the bedroom version of the Spice Girls.

29 November 2016 THE DAY REM KOOLHAAS SMILED

Martha’s wearing the curtains in the room (joke courtesy of @kevinsaysstuff ) Also, the more you look at this photo the more hilarious it gets. I die every time.

Rec Room

this room is the color of an entire spectrum of cat vomit.

Finally our post concludes:

Rear Exterior!

I’m sorry turtles I did not mean to insult you.

That’s it for this week’s post! I’ll try to have a house up next Wednesday, but then again, I’m going to Iceland that day sooooo… Also I’ve gone rogue on Sunday posts. Who knows what I’ll write on Sunday. Just know that it’ll be great!

BONUS: I’m live streaming on Twitch now until around midnight! I’m generally good natured and about to pour a G&T.

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate rightmove.co.uk and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

50 States of McMansion Hell: St. Johns County, Florida