Hello Friends! Sorry this post is so belated - between traveling to New York and Columbus as well as midterms, it’s been a rough two weeks for me. Luckily, the worst seems to be over.
Speaking of the worst…
This stunning (and I mean stunning) 1990 house, boasting 4 bedrooms and 5.5 baths tops out at around 5,500 square feet. It can be all yours for around $2 million USD! I hope you like white, because that’s what most of this house is.
Lawyer Foyer
Sometimes I was mean to my little sister, but then she got bigger than me and I stopped. Sorry sis.
Kitchen
A lot of this blog is based off of my personal experiences, including the HOA joke – there was a neighborhood near where I grew up in North Carolina that banned basketballs. It wasn’t until I got much, much older that I understood why.
(Insert Chain Hang Low joke)
Living Room
It’s astonishing to me that the people who built this house managed to cut so many corners that it is expressed in the architecture of every room.
Master Bedroom
Me, (good, pure): the padding is great for acoustics!
Master Bath
If anyone ever tells you that you need to lose 40 pounds before a cocktail party, I hope you throw your chianti blend right in their caked on, Estee Laudered face.
Bedroom 2
“Anyone who dare lie in this bed is cursed to never sleep, for the dull roar of chintz on chintz shall always rouse them to startled wakefulness.” - The Laura Ashley Book of Scary Stories
Bathroom 2
for reference, my pants:
Bedroom 3
Our final room of the week:
Bathroom 3
My other favorite thing is when people put signs in their house that say “KITCHEN” and “LAUNDRY”.
Anyways, it’s time to wrap up our tour with our favorite part:
Rear Exterior
I spend all my time defending architects, I might as well take a crack at them every once in a while.
That does it for New York, folks! Stay tuned for this weeks edition of Looking Around about American Foursquares and next Tuesday’s McMansion from my home state, North Carolina! Have a great weekend.
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!
Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store will go to help victims of the recent hurricanes.
Hello Friends! Sorry for the delayed post, I spent all day at the vet yesterday because my cat needed to have surgery. Thankfully, he’s recovering safely and will soon resume his schedule of doing whatever cats do all day.
Today’s lovely house is the epitome of “build lots of house on cheap land in the middle of nowhere.”
This wonderful 2004 estate, complete with treeless yard, comes in at around 6,000 square feet, featuring 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms. It can be yours for the low price of almost $700,000!
Sadly, there were no foyer pictures so we’ll have to start with the ubiquitous great room.
Gr8 R00m
Anyone want to take bets as to whether or not the “freedom fries” controversy will resurface in 2017? It seems unusually plausible.
Dining Room
Real talk: thick rugs beneath dining room chairs make getting up from the table a hellish nightmare. Whom among us has not accidentally gotten the rug caught in the feet of the chair, scandalously exposing the runner beneath? Devastating, just devastating.
Kitchen
Sorry, friends - I’m from North Carolina. There aren’t many states with worse schools than North Carolina, so I have to get my salty digs in where I can.
Living Room
Re: that ceiling, I’m just gonna leave this here:
Master Bedroom
I’m not even kidding about the bed. When I look at McMansions, I swear I see it at least once, in every single state I’ve been in. Also that ceiling is art.
Master Bath
THERE IS A TV IN THE SHOWER. This is peak 2004, y’all.
Bedroom #2
FYI interrupted rants are my favorite genre of twitter joke at the current moment. Also the single recessed light is a poignant metaphor for (something tongue and cheek with slightly political undertones.)
Bedroom #3
Let this be a lesson in how not to fill a small, oddly-shaped bedroom. It’s worth noting that this house has a peculiar habit of replacing what would normally be windows with French Freedom doors.
Attic/Rec Room
You know, most of us don’t have the luxury of having remote parts of our house where we can stow away the things we thought would enrich our lives. Most of us have to look those objects in the face everyday, reminded that we’ll never have the patience to learn how to play more than a C major scale and Chopsticks on the piano - that’s just the kind of person we are.
Anyways, that does it for the interior. Now for our favorite part:
Rear Exterior
I wonder what @goodporchesgreatporches has to say about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Outdoor Leisure Space?
That does it for Mississippi’s McMansion! Stay tuned for tomorrow’s “Looking Around” and next Thursday’s Missouri McMansion!
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!
