Hello Friends! Like most people my age, when someone says Idaho, after the immediate connotation with potatoes (sorry Idahoans? Idahoes?), my mind instantly jumps to:

Image [Screengrab from Napoleon Dynamite DVD]

Well, our lovely house is honestly not that far off - simply imagine what it would look like if Napoleon’s family came into a tacky amount of money and did a remodel in 1993.

Our lovely house, built in 1991, boasts a whopping 6 bedrooms and 7.5 baths, and can be all yours for just under $3 million dollars.

But buyer beware! Idaho luxury homes have been having some…issues lately.

Without further ado:

Lawyer Foyer

I mean, just look at that basket!!! It’s perfect!

Sunroom 1 of 2

I guess that view is why the damn house is so expensive. Also I S W E A R I saw that fabric swatch as a Martha Stewart exclusive in Michael’s scrapbook clearance or something.

Sunroom 2 of 2

“Ah yes, let me relax in this luxurious, supportive wicker chair for more than 30 minutes,” said very few people.”**

**I can’t say “said no one ever” because I don’t want angry emails about how much people love wicker furniture when I will never agree because it leaves grotesque weave imprints on my sensitive skin.

Upstairs Landing

Real talk: if you are a builder or worked in the industry and you know how egregious weirdness like this happens, I would love to hear from you.

Master Bedroom

More Real Talk: Candice Olsen on Design on a Dime made me realize at a young age that I wanted to kiss girls too. Also YARD DUCKS (okay they’re swans) are a THING if you (like me) grew up around a lot of old people.

Master Bath

“HONEY ARE YOU IN THE TUB AGAIN????”
“I’M WASHING OFF THE FILTH THAT IS OUR HOLLOW LIFE TOGETHER”

Bedroom 2

Wait, are you telling me you haven’t read Freud’s Psychology of Bedspreads?

Bathroom 2

I’m glad other people brush their teeth in the shower too.

Bedroom 3

Ah, I love when classical music Kate and architecture Kate get to become one again outside the context of concert halls.

And finally, our favorite part:

Rear Exterior

Okay, but seriously Duncan Idaho is my least favorite character in all of Dune. I’ve read all 6 books, and I hate him every single time. In a universe of rich and extremely complex characters, Duncan Idaho is dumber and more wooden than a sack of hyper-masculine potatoes. (Pun was intentional) Fight me.

(If you’re particularly curious, my favorite character is Leto II. Liet Kynes is my favorite in the first book.)

Well, that does it for this week’s -

OH WAIT!!!1 :O :O :O

Also, if you were wondering - the listing did not include pictures of a kitchen! However, judging by the rest of the house, I can only assume the kitchen looks something like this:

Well, that does it for Idaho! Join me on Sunday for a continued totally serious look at Architectural Theory, and next Wednesday for one of my favorite states: Illinois! (Warning: Cheryl might be making an appearance.)

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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs in this post are from real estate aggregate Zillow.com and are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

50 States of McMansion Hell: Blaine County, Idaho