everything’s bigger in texas
Howdy folks! Pardon my July hiatus, as I was uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, before I get started, I’m back now and have some good news, which is that the McMansion Hell Patreon tiers have been updated – it’s never been such a good time to support McMansion Hell.
For $1/month you can get access to the Good House posts (McMansion Eyebleach) and the wonderful McMansion Hell Discord, a great, friendly community which is where many houses on here now come from. $3/month tiers will now receive an entire bonus MMH post in addition to the Good House posts that follow every edition of MMH. $5/month tiers still get a monthly house roasting livestream complete with bingo. $10/month tiers now get a bonus livestream that’s much more intimate and also includes voice chat participation. All in all, it’s more of what you want from McMansion Hell. Tiers above $10/month get a selection of exclusive merch along with other benefits.
Ok, awkward marketing moment over. Let’s get down to business. Big business.
We’re back in Denton County, Texas, one of the ground zeros of McMansion Hell, with a “Greek Revival” house built in 1989 but remodeled in the early aughts. Sitting at $2.5million (that’s a lot of oil money) and 6500 square feet, it’s just another example of how everything’s bigger in Texas. Let’s continue.
Lawyer Foyer
Whomst remembers swag? Absolutely dated bit of millennial slang now. Also get used to weird stairs because nothing in this home seems to be on the same level.
??? Room
I guess this is an office? It’s mostly a collection of things just for the sake of things. Peak McMansion.
Living Room
My mom did the red/green thing in her bathroom back in the day so I’m weirdly nostalgic for it. Still it was real. A lot of talk on HGTV at the time about mixing opposing colors (warm/cool) and pops of color (which were kind of missed in the greige era though they are coming back.)
Kitchen
The kitchen was probably renovated later than the rest of the house (I date it around 2009 or so - mismatched islands were kind of a thing then.) Still, no one really knows what to do with that much space and the result is almost always not very economical.
Speaking of…
Bedroom
If you don’t have a stuff corner in your bedroom are you even wealthy?
Bathroom
See the white carpet thing is only a problem when people actually use the tub which they almost never do.
bonus room
What’s the point of having all them trinkets if yer not pondering em???
Well that’s all for this edition folk— wait. wait.
What?
Bonus house-cels coping and seething at pool-chads.
Anyway, let’s look at the back of this thing:
The Dyingest Lawn In Texas is a free album name for anyone who wants it. (Did I mention I was born in Texas yet? That’s a fun fact.)
Anyway, that does it for this edition of McMansion Hell. See y'all soon.
