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50 States of McMansion Hell: Ohio County, West Virginia

Oct 19, 2018
3,115 notes

Howdy folks! I’ve decided to go a little out of order here and get right down to West Virginia. Things have been a bit bleak lately to say the least, and I wanted to share with you a house that pretty much captures the national mood:

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This 6 bed, 6 bath brown “contemporary” (contemporary is realtor speak for a house that doesn’t have any shutters) boasts a whopping 6900 square feet and was built in 1993. It can be all yours for around $850,000 USD!

Tort Lawyer Foyer

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As we can all see, we’re starting pretty early on with the dreary vibes this house has to offer. This is probably the dreariest lawyer foyer I’ve ever seen, but to be fair, there are some pretty dreary lawyers out there and they deserve representation too. 

Formal Room In Which The Family “Sits”

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Every decade or so there’s some uncomfortably commodified idea of “Asian” decor that becomes popular, but nothing beats that time in the late aughts where HGTV did those hmmm “feng shui” shows. (if you are an academic writing about material culture, this would be a really interesting paper topic.)

Dining Room

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I would have a china cabinet and fill it with all my silly knick knacks. As someone with a chronic case of the “oopsies” i will never have expensive china. 

Living Room

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hi mom love you

Kitchen

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I swear I’ve seen those chairs in like a Boston Market or something. What’s funny about 90s beige is that it’s more gray-tinged (i.e. ‘cold’) which makes it slightly more dreary, whereas 2000s beige is more yellow-tinged (i.e. ‘warm’) and is more mindnumbing. Beige, you see, is a spectrum. 

Master Bedroom

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Strange that these folks don’t have a little side table or anything to put their phone on before going to bed. even if they’re analog folks, where are y’all gonna put your alarm clock?? on the floor?? i have Questions?

Master Bath

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Cell phones definitely killed the intercom market. Generations of wealthy pranksters have been denied the opportunity to harass an entire household of people at once. It’s okay though, they’ve pulled the wool over our eyes anyways by, like, controlling the whole economy and government and stuff. 

Bedroom 2

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(TED Talk voice): There is the “sincere” market for home goods, and then there is the shadowy “irony” market, which poses a strategic problem for design and its investors. 

Bathroom 2

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rip beige toilet. u taught me it was ok to be weird.

Hobby Room

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ha ha it’s great to do jokes when all i want to do is hide under the covers and sleep away the uncertainty and fear

Den

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This is like one of those hacks in video games that lets you dual wield swords or something. (dual wielding living rooms with identical microfiber sectionals is not as cool, admittedly)

Well, (fortunately? unfortunately?) we’re out of rooms, so, without further ado: 

Rear Exterior

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it is rumored that “computers” may be involved, at this very moment, in the act of “posting”

Anyways folks, that’s it for West Virginia. Up next, Vermont! We’re almost done with the 50 states, folks, and I’m so excited, personally because that means I don’t have to have a tab permanently open that lists them in alphabetical order because no, i didn’t learn the song, sorry. 

Final thing, I know that this might not be up everyone’s political alley, but I wrote this heartfelt personal essay about traveling along the New Jersey Turnpike and trying to reconcile the landscapes of climate change. 


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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

architecturedesignbuildingbad architectureugly houses1990s90s90s decor90s interiorsinterior designsuburbiamcmansionmcmansionshome decor
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If you love to hate the ugly houses that became ubiquitous before (and after) the bubble burst you've come to the right place. Be sure to check out McMansions 101! All photos © McMansionHell.com unless otherwise noted.


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