50 States of McMansion Hell: Charleston County, South Carolina
HELLO FRIENDS! Long time no see! It turns out, writing a Master’s thesis is a very long and intense process. Who knew? I’d like to take this time to apologize for my unusually long absence. Fortunately, now that I have successfully GRADUATED, McMansion Hell will finally return to its regular schedule, since it is now my full time job.
What better way to kick off the new season of McMansion Hell than with, well, a McMansion!
This Southern Belle, built in 1994, features 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths, topping out around 4,000 square feet. It can be all yours for around $1.75 million USD!
Lawyer Foyer
So, since this is ostensibly an educational blog, this type of entryway flanked by columns is conventionally called a “colonnade,” which is a fancy term for a row of columns. A column flush with the ceiling like this looks awkward. In traditional architecture, (which this is arguably trying to imitate) columns should terminate at some kind of entablature, in order to smooth out the transition to the ceiling, usually via a tapered cornice (similar to how crown molding is used to conceal/smoothen the joint between wall and ceiling). This entablature can be very ornate (following the rules of ancient architecture):
Or more simple, modern, abbreviated version), like this mass-produced example from the early 20th century:
(both images are Public Domain via Archive.org)
Okay. Learnin’s over. Time for more house pictures.
“Sitting” Room
Okay but whomst among us does not remember getting lists of totally ridiculous “street names” of drugs in D.A.R.E.? Like, “Jolly Green Giant” was a street name for marijuana. Trust me, I went to an art school and nobody called it that.
(In all serious, if you or someone you know is struggling with drug abuse, the National Institute of Health recommends these resources. )
Dining Room
Seriously, who wants to see themselves eating? I already have enough to feel embarrassed and/or self conscious about.
Kitchen
I’m pretty sure that ceiling is wood laminate (compare it to the actual wood on the floor). Also is it just me or is the way the lighting is oriented a little odd? Usually I see pendant lights above a bar or an island not a whole kitchen. To each their own, I guess.
Living Room
More like Design “Within Reach for those with thousands of dollars to spend on a single ottoman designed by a dead Danish dude.”
Master Bedroom
The only true way to decorate your bedroom for a spicier marriage is going to couples therapy to try and understand at what point and for what reasons your marriage started feeling so passionless that interior decorating advice seemed like a reasonable (read: non-confrontational) solution to your problems and not an obvious ploy to get you to buy a new sofa from Overstock dot com.
Master Bathroom
i, personally, refuse to bathe without my monumental urns,
Bedroom 2
The obvious solution to window interrupting the molding is getting rid of the window, forcing the inhabitants to live in darkness.
Pedestal Sinks: for when you put personal hygiene on a,,, pedestal,,
Bedroom 3
Two beds under one comforter seems like a surefire way to start an argument over who is stealing the blanket. As a parent, why put yourself in that difficult situation?
Sadly, there’s only one more stop on our tour: OUTSIDE!
My parents’ house didn’t have prom stairs so we just took my prom photos on the front walkway, which partially eliminated the possibility of tripping in heels I had no business trying to walk in.
Well, folks, that does it for South Carolina! Stay tuned for some exciting announcements about future projects for the blog as well as our next installment of Looking Around (On Kitsch).
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!
Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar! Or, Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!
Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)
