Howdy friends! It’s been awhile since I’ve done a house post – for those out of the loop, I’m currently in my last month of graduate school, truly hellish conditions – and I’ve decided to spice things up by switching South Carolina and South Dakota in order to avoid doing back-to-back beach houses.
HENCE our big house on the prairie:
This brick behemoth, built in 2007, features a whopping 6 bedrooms and 5 baths, topping out at almost 5,000 square feet. It can be all yours for around $800,000 USD.
Lawyer Foyer
Somebody should call a geologist, because I’ve never seen such unique clusters before in my life, and I must say I consider myself quite the slate enthusiast!
Living Room
Speaking of Facebook Aunt Catalogs, they’re online now, and I found one:
(aww baby freedomlets!)
Basement Italian Restaurant Dining Room
Once upon a time, I went to music school, and I think I remember double basses having much longer necks and, uh, a different shape.
Kitchen
(millennial joke voice): hey only my friends can call me sneaky trash
Master Bedroom
“But father, we are your children! How dare you bequeath your entire estate to your mistress leaving us penniless! Who, then, shall be the next Earl of Lincolnshire?”
Dog: bark
(Audience Laughs)
Master Bathroom
You may think that I am some kind of natural urbanite, but I, in fact, grew up in a small southern town, and will allow no prejudiced views towards rural life on my website, McMansion Hell dot com.
Den
Me, dressed up as a Serious Intellectual Speaking Softly on Public Television: You know folks, my parents used to get a ton of mail order catalogs when I was growing up and, like most children, I was fascinated by all the trinkets, trappings and treasures contained within those glossy pages. Fortunately, that experience, coupled with an encyclopedic knowledge of only the most useless, ridiculous subject matter (i.e. things for sale in mail order catalogs from 1999), has allowed me to make these jokes for you today. Thank you.
Bathroom 2:
(Jeb Bush Voice):
Bedroom 2:
actually these 2007 myspace glitter gifs describe grad school pretty well
Finally, we’ve come to our final part of the tour:
Rear Exterior
As 2007 as this journey has been, nothing is more 2007 than an unfinished McMansion.
Well, that does it for South Dakota. Join us next time for our South Carolina McMansion and stick around for the next installment of Looking Around!
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