50 States of McMansion Hell: Ravalli County, Montana
Hello Friends! As we all know, Montana is, in fact, in the wilderness. Like many brave mountaineers, this week’s house seems to be suffering from (lowers sunglasses)…cabin fever.
I say cabin fever, because this 2001 house isn’t actually a cabin, it just suffers horribly from cabin…desire. If you’re into that kind of thing, this thirsty ~7000 square foot estate boasting 5 bedrooms and 4.5 bedrooms can be yours for around $800,000 USD.
Since our Lawyer Foyer drought seems to be continuing, this week we open directly into the kitchen:
Kitchen
I have some questions about this kitchen layout: First, so you have this open space leading into another room and insist on extending the cabinetry…why not make it an extended island so people can sit and communicate with people in the kitchen? Second, why insist on putting an island bar in the center, with behind the stove, no less? (Love to get a face full of hot air while sitting) Third, with no wall behind the sink, water is def going to spill into the living room!! Fourth, what tf is the dishwasher plugged into? Also that is def not enough wall outlets for a kitchen. That’s one reason there are usually 2 walls with cabinetry.
I’m mad now. I’m mad at the kitchen.
Dining Room
hello
Bar (?) Room
This is a better kitchen layout than the kitchen.
Living Room
Unlike actual smoked salmon, upon seeing these walls the only thing I hunger for is change.
Bathroom (Master?)
Sadly, there are no elaborate master bedroom pictures to pair with this glorious wonder:
Don’t lie you know your dad had one of these…and loved it.
An Bedroom
THOSE VIEWS are almost worth the insidious Bass Pro Shop firesale decor.
Den
Y’all better know who Bullwinkle is or I’m going to reel.
EDIT: I have been informed that this is not, in fact a moose, but a Caribou. Good news for Squirrel.
Kids Room 1
Yes, I know it has a happy ending, but every character in that book is insufferable besides it’s a little bit Jane Eyre but for nasty little children.
Kids Room 2
That brick mural screams more dungeon than anything else. Good thing the artist added the bit of sky at the end.
Bathroom
(whispers) why
TV Room
Seriously, was this room designed in Minecraft?
Alas, we’ve come to the end of our tour. Hence, time for everyone’s favorite final shot:
Rear Exterior
Those two windows on the second story aren’t horizontally aligned. You’re welcome.
Well, that does it for Montana! Join us Saturday for a brief Looking Around, where we talk about the Foursquare, and next week (?) for our Nebraska McMansion!
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Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)
