50 States of McMansion Hell: Top 10 Wake County, North Carolina McMansions

Hello Friends! Today is one of my special posts, from a very special state - the state I’m from! Originally, I was going to do one house, like I usually do, but as I scrolled through pages of incredible architectural mishaps, I realized I wouldn’t be doing my the capital county of my special state justice. Fortunately, for you, you get ten special eyesores - North Cackalacky Style! 

10

The best part of this house is that the side-house would be cute and normal, should one decide to trim the roof down to size. 

9

Fun Fact: the French word “chateau” means “large French country house, or castle, usually with a winery attached.” It does not mean “Large American Suburban house with a basement wine cellar complete with signs that say ‘Wine Time’ just in case you didn’t get the memo.”

8

Sometimes I forget that pinestraw is used as a landscaping material because there are no pine trees in Baltimore able to grace their immediate area with their prickly brown bounty. Also, I wonder why so many houses in NC had the copper-topped bay window, especially 2000-2006? If I did, there’d be a paper on it. 

7

Full Level Pringles Can: The Movie: (doom anime sound/visual effects, but it’s just this house sitting there, but anime)

(scoffing voice) I bet they changed the look to Tudor right after Kate Middleton got engaged. 

6

Me, yelling at contractor: I DON’T CARE HOW YOU DO IT BUT I NEED MY STAIRCASE TURRET

Also the best part is all the turret rooflines have varying degrees of smushedness. 

5

AHHHHHHHHH 
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHH

4

Photo by Jim Bowen (CC BY 2.0)

3

Okay, but at least I’ve never been this late:

2

FULL SPEED AHEAD CAPTAI- BLEURRRGHHHREHRHE

Finally, the NUMBER ONE HOUSE IN WAKE COUNTY, NORTH CAROLINA:

My only dream is that this house was self-built by a pack of wolves, and they, in fact, are having a nice time living there, thank you very much. 

Well folks, that does it for North Carolina! Join us this weekend for American Foursquares, and next Tuesday for our Certified Dank™ North Dakota McMansion. 

Have a great week!

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!

Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store will go to help victims of the recent hurricanes.

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

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50 States of McMansion Hell: Westchester County, New York

Hello Friends! Sorry this post is so belated - between traveling to New York and Columbus as well as midterms, it’s been a rough two weeks for me. Luckily, the worst seems to be over. 

Speaking of the worst…

This stunning (and I mean stunning) 1990 house, boasting 4 bedrooms and 5.5 baths tops out at around 5,500 square feet. It can be all yours for around $2 million USD! I hope you like white, because that’s what most of this house is.

Lawyer Foyer

Sometimes I was mean to my little sister, but then she got bigger than me and I stopped. Sorry sis.

Kitchen

A lot of this blog is based off of my personal experiences, including the HOA joke – there was a neighborhood near where I grew up in North Carolina that banned basketballs. It wasn’t until I got much, much older that I understood why.

(Insert Chain Hang Low joke)

Living Room

It’s astonishing to me that the people who built this house managed to cut so many corners that it is expressed in the architecture of every room. 

Master Bedroom

Me, (good, pure): the padding is great for acoustics! 

Master Bath

If anyone ever tells you that you need to lose 40 pounds before a cocktail party, I hope you throw your chianti blend right in their caked on, Estee Laudered face.

Bedroom 2

“Anyone who dare lie in this bed is cursed to never sleep, for the dull roar of chintz on chintz shall always rouse them to startled wakefulness.” - The Laura Ashley Book of Scary Stories

Bathroom 2

for reference, my pants:

Bedroom 3

Our final room of the week:

Bathroom 3

My other favorite thing is when people put signs in their house that say “KITCHEN” and “LAUNDRY”. 

Anyways, it’s time to wrap up our tour with our favorite part:

Rear Exterior

I spend all my time defending architects, I might as well take a crack at them every once in a while. 

That does it for New York, folks! Stay tuned for this weeks edition of Looking Around about American Foursquares and next Tuesday’s McMansion from my home state, North Carolina! Have a great weekend. 

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon! Also JUST A HEADS UP - I’ve started posting a GOOD HOUSE built since 1980 from the area where I picked this week’s McMansion as bonus content on Patreon!

Not into small donations and sick bonus content? Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store will go to help victims of the recent hurricanes.

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2017 McMansion Hell. Please email kate@mcmansionhell.com before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)